I like to think I’m reasonably confident in using social media. Things like Facebook, Twitter, Insta and LinkedIn I’ve been on for years. But Tik Tok? Man, to a forty-something guy, that’s nearly impenetrable. I kinda got what Vine was about, although I never made any videos for it. But this is taking short form levels to a confusing new level. If I had a porch, I would sit on it and shake my fists at this new whippersnapper for trampling my lawn. My lawn, in this example, is my understanding of what is and isn’t cool.
I mean, why are people doing the same dance moves as each other? Why are people pointing at text blocks above their heads? What’s this blue line that scrolls down the screen? Tik Tok videos take some getting used to.
And so, dear reader, I am here to report that I have recently downloaded “the Tik Tok”, and it would please me to share what I have learned. Be warned: I have learned little of note.
But here are a forty-something’s first thoughts on Tik Tok.
The Boobs
You can’t get far on Tik Tok without seeing The Boobs. They are everywhere. No full nudity, which is good as there are kids on here, but lots of women pointing at or in other ways bouncing their poorly-secured boobs. I’m saying this without judgement. Boobs are lovely things, but I come on social media for a laugh and some poop jokes, not to have my eye poked out by an errant nipple.
It seems that many of the most followed accounts are women with The Boobs, and they like to employ The Boobs regularly. The very first video that appeared when I downloaded the app was about The Boobs. So I guess if you want to see the suggestion of some boobs, this is a good app for you.
And no I’m not linking to any particular account to give an example. Pervert.
Instead, here’s The Fonz.
Pointing at Text
It would appear that pointing at text blocks for a while is okay in videos now. I guess it’s like Hugh Edwards forcibly pointing at his name on the screen before he starts reading the News at Six.
I don’t really understand the pointing thing. It’s not like I’m not going to read a massive block of red text on my screen if there’s nobody around to point to it. And there’s the nodding, smug face of the pointer too. There has to be a smug face, as in “I’m so clever I wrote this, now you can read it.” There’s generally no need for the pointing. At. All.
Filters
You can use filters to do things like change your appearance into a dog or a fairy. These have been around for ages on Snapchat. Tik Tok has a cool one at the moment though. A blue line
scrolls from the top to the bottom of the screen and along its way it freezes that section of the screen. It means it can make your arm look really long, or have a really big forehead.
Actually, some people are using it to create art, which is really cool. This is quite fun, and for once I understand something.
Those Dances
Why is everyone doing the same dances? I don’t understand the dances, man. Think I’ll leave it at that.
There Is Some Really Good Stuff On Here
Once you plough through the nonsense (as defined by a grumpy man like me), there’s actually some pretty interesting stuff on here.
Some people do helpful tips on things like cooking, marketing and SEO. Some like to do sketches and silly funny videos. Others like to talk about retro arcade games, books and movies. Once you get past the nonsense and start to follow people, the algorithm gradually starts to show you less dross and more quality.
Again, this is all in the opinion of me, and not a teenage girl who probably thinks I’m missing the point of Tik Tok videos. I probably am and just want to play some games on my phone instead.