When writing this blog, I considered a few different titles. “Things to do on the shitter” was top of my list, followed by “Games to neglect your child by”. But I figured neither of them were really SEO -friendly, so went with “mobile games reviews for time-poor parents”. But let this not fool you. I know fine well that these games will be played when, and only when, you are having a poo.
To that end, I’ve only included mobile games reviews that can be played in short bursts. As I have a Samsung phone, I play them on Android.
They offer little drops of dopamine here and there that can get you through the day. So here are the five best Android games I’m playing right now which can be enjoyed by parents during bowel movements. And non-parents too, of course. Don’t be shy, join us. We talk about the toilet a lot.
So here we go, in order of what I’m currently playing most at the moment:
The five best mobile phone games according to Harry
1. Among Us
Among Us is a great game which has been around since 2018, but only recently started to garner huge attention. And rightly so – it’s a brilliant game about murder, deceit and running away from corpses. But don’t worry – it’s not as gruesome at it sounds.
Developed by the small team at InnerSloth, Among Us is a multiplayer game where up to 10 people can play together from across the world. In each group, there is at least one imposter – this is someone who can kill the other players. Nobody but the imposter knows who this is, and the point of the game is to find ‘the imp’ and send them packing into deep space before they kill everyone.
When a body is discovered, everyone is reconvened to the meeting table and the real fun begins. Through live chat, people try to figure out who the killer is. The killer has to lie to survive, blame others and generally deceive the gang into voting someone else, so they can continue their killing spree. It’s a game that will appeal to anyone who has had the dream of committing murder and getting away with it. So, pretty much everyone, right?
The Among Us game is free, so you have adverts after every game but you can skip after five seconds. However you can pay a small amount to support the developers and stop all adverts. They are a small team, so this is totally worth doing.
Games can last a few minutes, depending on how clever or stupid the imposter is. It’s hugely addictive, fun and worth your time. Just try to tell me your heart doesn’t beat faster when lining up a kill…!
Download on Google Play or on Apple Store.
2. Mario Kart Tour
When Mario Kart Tour finally landed on mobile in 2019, it was an immediate hit. It got many positive mobile games reviews at the time, and the game still holds up very well a year later. So much thought and design had gone into it from Nintendo that it immediately felt familiar. The more you played, the more drivers became available to you. And everyone’s here, from Mario and Luigi to Bowser, Shy Guy and Princess Peach.
The point of the game, if you didn’t already know, was to drive around a range of tracks in a kart and get first place. The tracks change twice-monthly, and are often beautiful. We’ve had some go through London, Paris and Vancouver (hence the ‘tour’ part of the name) as well as areas familiar to Mario fans, like the Mushroom Kingdom.
There are no adverts in Mario Kart Tour. And it’s free to play. Let me just go over that again: it’s free to play, and there’s no adverts! It’s a really fun game that lets you whizz around numerous tracks and is definitely worth a download.
One game lasts just a couple of minutes, and you get to throw shells to make computer-controlled opponents crash. There’s a great online mode where you can play 7 other people from across the world, and then make those people crash too, which is a whole load more satisfying.
Download on Google Play or on Apple Store.
3. Sonic Forces
The biggest question in the universe isn’t “What is the meaning of Life?”.
Never has been.
The biggest question in the universe is “What’s better, the SNES or the Megadrive?”. Back in the nineties, this was all that mattered, because if you wanted to play Sonic, you got a Megadrive (or Megadrivel as the Nintendo fans hilariously called it). And if you wanted a shot on Mario, you got the SNES. But now, you can have both characters on one phone!
Sonic Forces is a racing game that’s different to Mario in a few ways. Firstly, there’s only 4 players at a time, and you only control which lane of four your character races between. You can still shoot weapons and annoy your opponents from around the world, but it’s more organised. The tracks don’t update often, but there are new drivers to master regularly. Everyone from Sonic to Tikal and Zeena.
Sonic Forces is free to play with adverts after every game. However if you make any purchase from the store, adverts vanish forever. I’ve been playing and enjoying it for ages and it’s brilliant for getting in a bit of gaming action in between everything else in life. It’s a good, fast game that you can whizz through whilst having a whizz.
Download on Google Play or on Apple Store.
4. Light Ignite
Up to now, all these games have required you to have an internet connection to play. These last two let you have offline play, which is great for riding the tube (if anyone still does that) or getting five minutes of peace in the most distant room in the house.
Light Ignite is a physics game where you direct a beam of light using mirrors and lenses to a target. It’s one of those games that sound dull on paper, but is really cool to play. Some lenses separate beams of white light into colours, and you have to then direct these to targets. It’s a nice thinker of a game and is worth a shot if you like games a bit more cerebral.
Light Ignite is free to play, and there are adverts after every game. It’s a bit annoying, so definitely worth paying to have them removed if you are having fun.
Download on Google Play or on Apple Store.
5. The Catapult 2
I never played The Catapult 1. I dunno, maybe it was rubbish. But this game, which allows for offline play, is a nice way to spend a few minutes. You have a catapult and must use it to defend a castle. By pulling back on the weapon, you control the speed and direction of the boulder or arrow, and aim it at the invaders who appear floating in front of you or rolling across the ground with their own weapons.
The Catapult 2 is dead simple, and you can understand it within seconds, but by upgrading your weapons and defenses you can keep on top of the ever-strengthening enemies. It’s a good, fun game to play, offers increasing challenges and means you can shoot arrows through people’s heads in a family friendly way!
A game only takes a few minutes, and if you are good enough, online player vs player is available. It’s free to play and of course there are ads, but as always, you can pay a small fee to the developer to get rid of them. Always worth doing if you are enjoying a game.
Download on Google Play or on Apple Store.
What mobile games do you play on the shitter?
I’m always on the lookout for the best phone games that I can fire up and quickly play in a few minutes between screaming toddlers and researching quality slippers. So you’ve had my mobile games reviews – what are yours?